DOAT Book One, Chapter 16: A bitter choice. The greatest gift.

When we last left our heroes, they’d just been attacked by a MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON who burns one of them before valiantly flying down the well. Riverwind has pretty much melted, and Tanis is, as usual, being utterly useless. Sturm is spouting some rhymy-wimey nonsense prior to chopping off Riverwind’s head, when Goldmoon shows up out of nowhere and tells the group to bring Riverwind over to her. Pretty sure you’re not supposed to move a traumatically injured person, Goldmoon, but eh, it’s your boyfriend I guess.

It's a good choice, Goldmoon.

It’s a good choice, Goldmoon.

Raistlin tells them all to do what Goldmoon says, and Tanis is inexplicably outraged by Raistlin’s lack of emotion at their predicament. Like… seriously Tanis? Raistlin has known this dude for all of like, four days maybe, and Riverwind’s been a dick to everyone except you for that entire time. Maybe chill out on the wizard judging for just a sec.

ice king haters

Tanis goes over to try to, I dunno, talk some sense into Goldmoon about how her boyfriend’s dying horribly (because that’s apparently not evident?), and that not even the staff can save him (have you even tried the staff yet? I mean maybe give it a shot once before you dismiss it?). Goldmoon is having none of this, and tells Tanis to bring Riverwind into the nearby temple.

We then  are transported back to Goldmoon’s perspective during the dragon attack. Apparently she hadn’t noticed all the earthquaking and dragoning around, but had instead been drawn to the temple by a gentle voice – her mother’s voice, no less! Her dead mother’s voice, which turns this from sweet to a little bit creepy. She tells Goldmoon that she will “find what she seeks” within the temple. Goldmoon sees that the rest of her friends are about to get attacked, and for some reason this causes her to get pissy about being thirty years old with no babies.

baby crazy

But then she thinks of Riverwind and it gives her the strength to go on so she abandons the group and goes into the temple just as the dragon burst out of the well.

Wow.

Inside the temple, Goldmoon finds a marble statue of Mishakal, the goddess of healing, who is wearing “a strange amulet.” She also has her hands out as though she’s supposed to be holding something, so Goldmoon puts the blue crystal staff into the statue’s hands. Once she does, the statue starts monologuing about how the old gods had never actually turned their backs away from Krynn, and it’s Goldmoon who has to bring the truth of the old gods to the rest of the population and defeat the Queen of Darkness and to do that she has to find the “disks of Mishakal” and OH MY GOD IT’S SO BORING WHY ARE GODS SO BORING?

syndrome-monologueing

Anyway the disks are guarded by some dragon at the bottom of Xak Tsaroth, so good luck finding them, Goldmoon!

We go back to the present as Tanis goes into the temple and is hit by nostalgia for his long ago childhood with full-blooded elves before the evils of half-elf racism came between them, I’m assuming. His reverie is interrupted by the rest of the group carrying the melty, dying Riverwind in on a stretcher. Way to be helpful there, Tanis.

Raist uncovers Riverwind’s half-dead body, and Goldmoon healing-staffs him. Apparently putting the staff into the statue’s hands has supercharged it, because once she casts her spell, everyone feels way better for some reason. And – oh HEY, Riverwind gets right up just as though he hadn’t just been melted in dragonfire. Hooray!

Again, not above using this joke.

Again, not above using this joke.

The group eats dinner in the temple as Goldmoon tells them all about the statue’s monologue. Tasslehoff, to his credit, is just as bored with this as I was, and he goes wandering off to find his friend Flint a new helmet, because helmets are all over healing temples, I guess. Helmets that are of dwarven manufacture and just happen to fit Flint perfectly. What are the chances of that riiight? Meanwhile, Riverwind is celebrating his escape from the dripping maw of death by refusing to speak to anyone.

The rest of the group are debating the message that Goldmoon received, because escape from a clear brush with melty, burninated death is apparently not sufficient for them to believe that they should start evangelizing the old gods. They all agree to sleep on it, but Tanis insists that, even though the temple is under the protection of this goddess, someone should take the watch. Sturm does, but almost immediately falls asleep and starts dreaming about his mom.

it was a boner dream, wasn't it?

it was a boner dream, wasn’t it?

And here the chapter ends.

I don’t even know what’s up with this one you guys, you’re just tearing us away from the hardcore dragon action for some weird god monologue? And that whole “you were saved by miraculous power but STILL REFUSE TO BELIEEEEEEEEEEEVE” trope is wearing just a little bit thin.

Pretty good Raistlin shade throwing, though he’s done better.

Here’s hoping for some more of the full cast as opposed to all-Goldmoon-all-the-time in the next chapter.

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